Michael's Blog

Judgmental Attitudes of Christians

Ok, so today I had an encounter that showed me how much church life needs to change in relation to judgmental Christian attitudes.  This knowledge given to me hurt me deeply today!   Climbing on my soapbox now.

For about 2 years now we have been homeschooling our children with a local Christian Homeschool cover.  Each friday I take the kids to co-op.  It has been a joy seeing our kids develop new friends and learn so much great stuff.  The relationships that I have built is another story.  I have developed no relationships.  As a matter of fact, I can count the number of people that actually know who I even am on both hands, but I would not need all the fingers.  No one took the time to get to know me, the new homeschooling dad.  #1, I am a dad (most of these folks are women), #2, I am new (pretty tight knit group), #3, I do not look like the rest of them (I am a youth minister, so I dress a little different, talk a little different, act a little different… I actually have more in common with the teens than the parents.)

I am not making jabs, but something was brought to my attention today that hurt deeply.  On the first Friday of each month is homeschool skate day and each month I am there with my kids.  I have been at this skate day at least a dozen times.   Each month I am there with my kids and I usually have my head buried in a book (been trying to finish my masters degree).  I do not necessarily look for interaction as I am able to get alot of studying accomplished while the kids are skating.  I do love it when someone talks to me though, makes me feel less invisible.  I can never find a place to sit unless it is one of the pylons where kids put on their skates or a corner near the exit.  I sit, get comfortable, and read.   Last month, the place was more crowded than usual and I found one place to sit (next to the prize wheel).  I sat their the whole time and then headed home, not knowing I was being stared down and judged very critically.  Now remember, I have been doing this for 2 years and no one knows me.

So today, the crowd was thinner than normal and I actually got a table.  I sat down with my iphone and a book and proceeded to read.  Then someone came over and introduced themselves with the comment, are you new to our group?  I said no and told her how long I have been doing this.  She said, “and I am just now meeting you?”  I tol her how I can never find a seat, so I usually find a corner and read.  She said, “were you sitting next to the prize wheel last month?”  I said yes.  She said, “I got several e-mails about you last month, worried about the guy by the door.”  I said, why?  Well, they said you were by the door and looked sketchy.  I said, “I looked like I do today (black t-shirt, jeans, converse), do I look sketchy to you?”  She said, honestly, no, but you do not look like the other homeschool parents either though.  I said, I have been doing this for 2 years and you are one of just a few people who has even bothered to get to know my outside of my church members.  I went on to tell her that I am a youth minister, about my family, etc.  We had a good conversation.   She apologized to me for the others in the group not being more welcoming.  See, this is The big problem, NO ONE HAS EVER TRIED TO GET TO KNOW ME!  Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.  This burns me up. See here is the thing, if people would have taken the time to observe closer, they would have see a christian t-shirt or to write love on her arms shirt.  They would have seen me reading the book, “Knowing God.”   Homeschoolers who gripe about the lack of social acceptance of their chosen educational path who are judging one of their own with no effort to get to know me.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe they need the same recognition as public or private schools!

Here is the deal though, if I, as a minister got judged this way, think about the lost who do not fit our cooker cutter mold.  I am sorry, but I do not ever plan to wear pullover knit golf shirts, dockers, etc.  That is just not my style.  I am not a typical 35 year old.  I am a 17 year old trapped in a 35 year old body (just ask my wife).  I do not like the typical church mentality, I think it scares off the unchurched!   When will we stop trying to fit people to the mold we want to start going to the lost like Christ did.  We have become the Pharisees and the Sadducees.   Christ went to the weirdos, misfits, and ostracized people of this world.  Here is the thing, what if I had been depressed, overwhelmed, feeling lost and abandoned.  All these people would have done is written a bunch of e-mails talking about the guy by the door and never would have done anything to reach out to me.    This is unacceptable behavior by people in the church.  It is time for us to start reaching out instead of slamming people down based on appearances (clothing, skin tone, tattoos, body piercing, whatever).

Now, please don’t get me wrong, I love our homeschool group (I wish we could keep doing it).  I love the group activities.  I love the faith based education.  The problem, they shot one of their own and do not even know it.

Well, I shall now climb down from my soapbox.  I apologize if I offended, but this needed to be said.